Relationship…in Black & White

This morning is 9/11/08…7 yr anniversary of some effed up destruction that changed the face of America. I’m thinking about an amazing man, that I believe may be a consistent anchor in my future. I am different. I know it, my kids know it, my friends know it, my fam ESPECIALLY knows it. So if anyone is to meet someone that is against the grain in my family-it would be me. I have entered into an interracial relationship with a brilliantly sensitive white man. As a bonus, he’s also the father of a black daughter.

I’m not the first in my family to date interracially. Actually, the youngest female grandchild was the first to have had a long term interracial relationship, which ended last year. All of the male grandchildren dated at least short term outside of our race.

The unique dynamic is that I met him online. We live approximately 1,000 miles away (I’m guessing) and it’s ok. It’s not alright…but it’s ok. We strive to communicate, and understand, and be there for each other. We have made a commitment to be exclusive. I believe him. He believes me. I used to say, “I can’t miss what I’ve never had.” Logically, that makes sense. But since when is emotions, logical? lol I’ve never entered an interracial relationship before him. He has. When I thought I may be interested in being part of an interracial relationship- I had to deal with stereotypes I had of white men, such as:

• Using me for sex.
• Being ashamed of me in front of friends.
• Regretting the decision to be with me.
• Please his family (if they’re bigots) and not me.
• Living a double life, ie finding out he’s a serial killer, rapist, the UNIBOMBER! smh

Just as white people, concerning Black America, I only had the news to use as a point of reference. I’m glad that I decided to forego ignorance and pursue my slice of happiness. Is there a difference between Paul (who’s white) and the other men I’ve dated prior to him? There’s a huge difference…but I don’t believe it’s because of race. I think I have matured in my selection. I am more relaxed with Paul living in another state, than when I was in relationships intrastate. There is NO DRAMA. There is a state of contentment that I’ve never experienced with a man that I now experience. Honesty is mandatory-ON BOTH sides. I’ll always appreciate my blackness, my culture and my community-but I’ll NEVER exclude possibilities from my life that lay outside the borders of my blackness.

Life.is. good.

Ok…7 months is long enough doggone it!!

So here I am writing, when I should at LEAST START the homework that i have due tomorrow. I hate procrastinating. And yet I contine to succumb to it. It’s been 7 mos since my last post…almost 7 mos., and let’s see what has happened:

• My babygirl moved to California, and then she moved back home, and she has since moved out.
• My son is experiencing his first ‘relationship’ with a young lady who seems to be ok. They’re on the phone for MANY hours a day.
• I was in a relationship, but this sentence that you’re reading right now lasted longer than the actual relationship aka ‘episode’…dude ended up suffering from some type of mental illness. Yes, I’m fine.
• My sister’s getting a divorce. News of divorce doesn’t bring me joy usually, but in this instance it does. You don’t want to know.
• My mom is still spoiled.
• My brother in TN is still battling prostate cancer…it hasn’t gotten worse.
• I turned 40 yrs old in April!!!
• I went to Vegas to celebrate my turning 40 in APRIL!!
• I’m still in school. I’ll be graduating next year with my bachelor’s, moving onto to law school!! YESSSSSSSS!
• I still have a job, although it was touch and go today. SOMEONE almost got hurt and it wasn’t me!!
• I am now on Twitter…you can follow me at, Follow Bria on Twitter. Show me some love
• I met someone online…don’t act brand new! It’s not an isolated event as one might think.
• And he’s white. I still appreciate the black male.
• I’m in an interracial relationship, and so far it is interesting and rewarding. I wish I had the courage to enter an interracial relationship sooner.

Oh yeah…Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick resigned from his post last week. (THANK GOD!) He’s charged with two felonies and will serve 4 mos in jail (no he won’t), 5 yrs probation, and had his law license revoked. smh To read about him go here: Channel 4 Detroit

Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone!!

Ok…I’m going to do 2 posts for Valentine’s Day. One with photos that represent Valentine’s Day, and the second will highlight a proposal.
After that, it’s B.A.U. (Blogging As Usual).:)

Don’t let your marital status dictate how you spend the day!

Have funnnnnn & Happy Valentine’s Day!

Images courtesy of Google Images

The Humble Housewife 2008 Virtual Book Tour

****First 5 commenters, receive a free copy of “Sweet Georgia Brown!****
Get Your Copy!!

http://youbettarecognize.blogspot.com

Sweet Georgia Brown
Cheryl Robinson
NAL Trade, January 2, 2008
$13.95 US; ISBN: 0451222288

Meet Georgia Brown-a humble housewife determined to become a household name….

After eleven years of marriage, Georgia Brown is fed up with her husband, Marvin, a popular radio personality. It’s not just because she suspects he’s having an affair, or because she’s suddenly expected to raise his thirteen-year-old daughter, Chloe-whom she never even knew existed. It’s because of the comments he makes about her weight, their marriage, and their sex life…on national radio! Now, to save their marriage, Marvin invites Georgia to the station for an on-air rebuttal . . . .

*****

I was invited today to participate in the SWEET GEORGIA BROWN: Humble Housewife 2008 Virtual Book Tour. Cheryl Robinson, the author of this exciting new release has asked me the question, “If I was in her humble housewife, Georgia Brown’s shoes, what would my on-air rebuttal be?”

I said:

He knew I was in the building, because my Clinique Aromatics Elixir Perfume was my calling card. Like an old decrepit broke down horse on its way to becoming glue, I decided to put that sorry-excuse-for-a-husband of mine out of his misery. I not only showed up, I also I showed out. And baby, I gave showin’ out a new meaning.

Listening to the show while walking down the hall, I heard Marvin stutter. Not once, not twice, but three times. Nervous are you, Marvin? Good.

“…ha ha ha, yo-you-you’ll see what I mean when she-she arrives. You’ll see I’m not uhhh ly-ly-, uhh exaggerating.” Marvin said while nervously looking around.

“Are you alright Marvin? You don’t look so good.” Observed his newest and youngest co-host to date, Alexis.

“St-stay in a child’s place, Alexis. You will speak when I tell you to.”

“Look, I may be young, but you will not treat me the way you treat, Geogia. I’m not your wife and you better remember that.” Alexis shot back.

“Oh, I-I know you’re not Georgia-

“Did someone call my name?” and Georgia entered the nondescript, stifling room, that launched ‘Marvelous Marvin.”

“Georgie…I knew you were,” Marvin said just above a whisper.

“Excuse me, Marvin? Please repeat yourself, you are a bit incoherent.” commanded Georgia with the confidence of someone who had three bulls by their horns.

Clearing his throat, Marvin repeated louder, ” I knew you were here-I smelled you.”

Knowing full well what he meant, Georgia couldn’t resist the dig,” Why Marvin, that’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me in, hold on a moment…” counting on her fingers , “5 years, ha ha-I’m shocked and appalled.”

“But-”

Before Marvin could finish, “Let’s get this party started shall we? Someone come and take my coat.” Tracy, the intern helped Georgia out of her coat, and lingered long enough to compliment her on her St. John Santana suit with the flared skirt.

“Thank you uhh, what’s your name?”

“You’ve lost weight, Georgie.”

He sounded like a lost puppy.

All business, Georgia replied,” Oh. That. Glad you noticed, Marvin. I lost 65lbs six months ago, but you know what they say, ‘better late than never,’ right?

“right.” Marvin said quietly.

“Tracy-”

“Excuse me sweetheart?”

“Tracy, my name’s Tracy.”

“Oh yes Tracy, thank you sweety for the compliment, and remember with hard work and a checking account, you’ll be able to enjoy the luxuries life has to offer you, too.” Georgia advised.

“Doesn’t that mean you must be on the payroll making money in order to get a checking account?? I’ve been told for two months I would be added to payroll, and I’m still waiting.” Tracy complained.

“Oh really?” Asked Geogia,while looking at Marvin.

“What??”Marvin asked guiltily.

Shaking her head, Georgia rifles through her purse in search for her classic Coach wallet. Retrieving a card, she gives it to Tracy…

“What are you doing?!” cries out Marvin.

“30 seconds before showtime-”

“Offering Tracy a job.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Brown-”

“Call me, MS. Brown-”

“MS. Brown?? Georgia, I’m your husband and we have to talk.”

“20 seconds-”

“Oh my goodness, thank you Mrs., I mean MS. Brown,” Tracy says excitedly while handing Georgia the headphones she’ll need this morning.

“Dear husband…now you want to talk? You can talk to my lawyer.”

“What in the hell is going on?” asks Alexis, completely perplexed.

“Shut up, Alexis-”

“15 seconds-”

“You have one more time to tell me to shut up, Marvin-”

“SHUT UP, Alexis-”

“That’s it!” and Alexis lunges across the soundboard. But before she could claw Marvin’s face, Tracy grabs her.

“10 seconds,”

“Alexis, if you plan to work for me you must get your emotions in check.”

“Marvin is a bully, he alway- what?” Grasping Georgia’s words finally.

“5 seconds-

“Meet me at my office tomorrow with Tracy,”

“4-

“You have a deal.”

“3-

“See you in the morning”

2-

“I’ll be there.”
“1″

Showtime.

When it was all over, and the dust cleared-Georgia was the winner by a TKO-technical knock out. Those present weren’t sure if it was Georgia’s newfound attitude and makeover, the photos of Marvin engaged in sexual activities with his dope dealer- who is male-in exchange for drugs, the two callers who identified themselves as Marvin’s girlfriends and used more profane words towards each other than 6 sailors who stumped their baby toe in the dark, Marvin’s embezzling scheme to the tune of $500,000, or First Lady of Detroit, Carlita Kilpatrick-who was Georgia’s featured guest on Marvin’s show, announcing her impending divorce from Marvin’s best friend and co-womanizer Detroit Mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick-in addition to being Georgia’s co-host on her radio show. It may have been the bomb Chloe dropped on Marvin, stating her Biology honors teacher, Bradley Garrison, who also owns a successful consulting firm, has confessed his love for Georgia, and promised to be the father Chloe needs, and the husband her mother, Georgia, deserves.

It is said all of the above contributed to Marvin’s stroke. He is paralyzed on his left side and unable to speak.

The doctors said they could not promise Marvin would ever be marvelous again, but they’ll try. It has now been 13 months.

As I think about the last year of my life, it’s hard to believe I made it through it all.

Looking out of Marvin’s bedroom window in the convalescent home, I think back on Bigma’s words, attempting to understand their impact upon my life. I guess it’s true, Bigma:

GOD DON’T LIKE UGLY…

God don’t like ugly.

Appreciation For The Black Male…

My Black man

Being honest with others is not a problem for me. However, being honest with myself is. Since I’ve been single far longer than I care to meditate on, it has given me cause to reflect, visualize, change and grow. Maybe it’s because in less than 3 months I’ll be entering a new decade — my fourth decade, to be exact. But I can’t help but think about my Black man, the Black man that I can’t wait to appreciate!That’s right: I said it. I can’t wait to appreciate my Black man. I’ve listened to Mary J. Blige’s song “Feel Like A Woman” and cosign the lyrics, “I’m tired of being independent; I want to start depending on you.” If that makes me look soft, like a sucker, if it means I have to take down, so be it.

I want my Black man to know that I appreciate the labor he does in the world outside in order to strengthen the foundation of our world on the inside (of our home). I want him to know my eyes are for him only, as is my sashay, my smile, the scent upon my neck that causes him to transcend time.

My Black man, all that I am is for you. I’m not your enemy, but your ally. I want to love you, hold you, and console you, especially when carrying the burdens of a Black man is so heavy that your shoulder, neck and back ache. Let me work the kinks out of your life, or better yet, let me stand back, praise you, and edify you as you work them out.

Did I tell you that you are my hero? Lois may have her Clark Kent, and Jaime may have Steve Austin. But no superhero can compare to Bria’s Black man who is able to tell a mountain to be removed, has faith the size of a mustard seed, believes for the impossible, and knows whatever weapon is formed against him will not prosper. My Black man, without question I will follow you to the ends of the earth.

Thank you for living for me. So many people have been misguided by the cliché “I’ll die for you,” but will you really? It’s harder to live for me, seeing past my faults, mistakes, and flaws. Apologizing when it was I who erred. I agree, what good is it to die for me when we promised to spend an eternity together?

My Black man, I am here as your lover, your friend, confidante, compadre, shadow, helpmeet, critic, tie straightener, crumbs remover, hair analyst, spell checker, sounding board, temple massager, your ottoman — whatever you need me to be, so I shall be to you. I appreciate you not for anything other than who you are.

The questions raised are: Are you ready for me? Can you handle unconditional love, laughter, joy, hand-holding, butterfly kisses, a word in kind, passionate loving, heated words, spirited debates, stick-in-stay, til-death-do-us-part, lifetime partners, undying loyalty, zaniness, walks in the rain, unity, exchanging looks and not saying a word. Can you handle success?

No, no, shhhhh, don’t speak just yet. Take some time before giving your answer. Search the depths of your soul, become naked in your very own eyes, and let Truth have her way.

Forever, I am available to you. I honor you. I revere you. I appreciate you.
But most of all, my Black man, I love you.

Bria

Are You There God? It’s Me Bria…

I’d be telling a lie if I said as a Christian, I’ve done everything, most some things, correctly.

I haven’t. And I admit it.  But even still, I’m wondering why is it that it seems (to me) that God has overlooked me in the “Companion Department?”  Shoot I know of people who have been married once, twice, thrice times-and I’m thinking “I can’t even get a male pulse to come my way” and these people have the opposite sex falling all over them! What gives?

I’m trying to hold on and not blame God. I know, in the blink of an eye, he could send my husband-to-be on his merry way to me…but He hasn’t.  And if He isn’t…I wish He’d just tell me, so I wouldn’t be expectant of him.

Are you there God? It’s Me Bria.

I hate meeting guys and wondering if ‘he’s the one.’  It ALWAYS ends up being no.  Being “love elusive” tends to cause one to question themselves, others and God.  I don’t want to complain, I’m grateful for what God has done, and seriously-I don’t ask God for much.

Where is my relationship, where is my husband?

Are you There God? It’s me Bria…

I just want to know  if you hear me, you’re working on it, situation’s resolved-something.

I can’t stand this part of me.  The part that wants to be in a relationship-but feeling powerless over making it come to fruition.

Father, talk to me. It’s me…Bria.

Letting Go (and letting God) Is the Hardest Part…

A piece of my heart is in Cali…

Last night, 01.19.08, I watched a piece of my heart board a plane to California.
My daughter Nesa, 19.5 yrs old, felt impeded living in Mi, and as a show of support I offered to help remedy that.
In venting to my lil sis-who comments on here as ” Yo’ Sista” (she’s so original, lol)-she offered to help my baby, by offering her home to her.
It was sooo unexpected I broke down in tears. (yes, I did)
In what had to be the quickest passage of time, 30 days came and went, and it was time to drive my baby to the airport.
She chose the right day-so far it was the coldest day of 2008. A bitter, wintry cold that meant uncertain death for some unfortunate souls.

My daughter is the spitting image of me.

Her face is her father’s, but my daughter is a WWC (Women With Curves) member-like mommy, but not only that:
she loves hard
she’s loyal
loves to laugh
is staunch in her opinions
stands by her convictions
a procrastinator
is smart
blunt
will apologize if she’s offended
fights for the underdog
believes it takes a village to raise a child
doesn’t like change, but will change eventually
needs to know (by verbal and physical actions) that she’s loved
needs encouragement and guidance
and is crazy in love with Christ.

(fuzzy pic, but look how much taller my daughter is!!)
Our relationship is a testimony to Christ.
Our relationship was extremely tumultuous during her teenage years (14-17).
She blamed me for her life, and her father’s lack of participation in her life.
She strongly disliked me and vice versa.
She’s lived between my home and her paternal aunt.
We survived.
Things changed on her graduation day from high school.
She thanked me for raising her, and for my not allowing her to be a wildchild on the street.
I’ve since had to step back and watch her evolve into the woman that God not mom, has called her to be.

(Nesa w/ Mama Ivent-mama took Nesa’s leaving worse than I did!)
Lil’ Mama,
I know you’ll read this-
(since you’ve already checked in YBR! Thanks 4 leaving mom a comment!)
I want you to know as I’ve said a million times, I AM SO PROUD OF U!
Do NOT let people’s negative actions, words or deeds-clip your wings!
Nesa, you are an Eagle.
Remember just as the Eagle has these characteristics, so do you:

• Vision: Continue to see into your future. Remain focused, and continue to write the vision down and make it plain so God can manifest it. Think BIG if you want BIG RESULTS!!
• Eagles NEVER eat dead meat: Go where the action is. You’re the hunter-don’t let someone do the work and you get the leftovers. Go after what it is you want!
• Looks for and flies into storms: Don’t let this scare you! Eagles use the storm to lift him to these great heights. You, Nesa will use storms (challenges) to make you a better person. How will you know your resilience-if you’re not bent and bounced around by life, sometimes?? Accept the storms (challenges) you can’t stop them from happening. You’ll grow to learn this: storms are tools used to develop you.
• *Remember: life at times is like driving on a sheet of ice on MI streets. You can’t keep your car from sliding, but you can keep it from getting worse. Do you remember how? Stay calm, take your foot off the brake, and turn the steering wheel in the same direction as the skid (storm), not the opposite. In other words, work with the storm, skid, challenge-don’t fight it. You’ll only prolong the skid, and it can end disastrously.*
• Very Gentle & Attentive To (Their) Young: Nesa, God has imparted into you a great love for young people. You know what they need, when they need it. Continue to love, hug, kiss, and encourage young people. Especially those whose only point of contact may be you. I refer to you as the Pied Piper of Children. Your loyalty knows no bounds and thank you for getting little kids ready for school when their mamas’ wouldn’t. Combing hair, getting them dressed etc. You may have grown weary, but you never fainted, and God will reward your faithfulness and diligence. Eagle Characteristics

***
As I’ve said to you and your brother, “I didn’t raise y’all, y’all raised me!” lol
I thank God for my two motivators and I can’t wait to see you in Cali.
Thank you China doll for allowing me the privilege of being your mother.

You’ll always inspire me to be and do better.
Love you Shmeeny,
Mommy

What In The World Am I Waiting On??

Ok.  It is NOW the 10th, 11th day of January, and I haven’t assume the undertaking of my commitments for the year.

What in the world, am I waiting on? The least I could do is list my debts, and come up with a budget to keep my spending at bay, or look at the videos that I was supposed to take back to Hollywood Video.  I gotta get my butt in gear!  One thing I know that I have to do is Sat @ 5am  get my butt up (I’m gotta do it) and start writing again.  My novel has laid dormant for the better part of a year-and it’s time I get back in the proverbial saddle again.

There’s nothing holding me back-but there’s SOMEONE holding me back…ME.

I’m making a commitment to watch those movies as soon as I get home tomorrow, and turn them in tomorrow as well.

We’ll see what happens.

bria

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S!

Well…when these idiots out here in Dearborn Hts, MI started shooting at EIGHT PM tonight, I thought better about going out. Shoot, I might not make it out of my apartment complex! Can’t have that now, can we??

Anyhoo, I feel great, my family’s doing wonderfully…and I love my mother to death (that’s a miracle)

I’m going to commit to be more personable in 2008, talk to more people, face2face.

I just like being on my keyboard. I trust my keyboard. I know what to expect, no disappointments, no lies, no BS.

I’ll also be 40 in 4 mos, so maybe that has something to do with my wanting to stretch myself as well.

My God has seen me through yet another year. I’m here, sober-minded and content. That is truly a gift in itself.

sigh

I don’t know-maybe I’ll meet my husband this coming year, maybe I’ll travel to some far away land…I just have hope-filled expectation this year!

I’m expecting great things in 2008…and so should you!

God bless you, and

Bria

My Goodness!

Have I overlooked neglected my blog for 27 days?! Well, not really, I started a post that’s still sitting in drafts-I promise I’ll finish it.

I’ve been preoccupied with trying to change templates on my other blog
You Better Recognize and I’m at a loss.

Anyhoo, my trip to L.A. was a success! I stayed with my dad and stepmom, but I spent a lot of time with my ex Colin. He’s the love that will never can’t be. We have different spiritual beliefs, he doesn’t understand my needs, and I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him! lol Can I KEEP IT REAL, please? it’s cool. We’ll always be friends.

I was also able to be with my “big sis” cousin Tisa-boo! I love that chile to death. She is the definition of “family” she has your back in whateva. And she KNOWS ERRRRRYBODY! I don’t care where we went, she knew somebody! it was funny.

One thing that absolutely amazed me about Cali: there’s a Starbucks on every corner-even in the hood. That’ll NEVER happen in Detroit! Seeing that many Starbucks was reason enough for me to consider moving back to Cali, I dang near od’d on Venti Carmel Macchiato w/soy!

I am moving back to Cali, I’ve decided. My motivation is my baby oldest child, my daughter Nesa, 19. While she’s “not a girl, not yet a woman” she is mature enough to know when to get outta dodge! In this case, get outta Michigan. Shoot, from the dismal job rate, to the Michigan ‘flight’ and the crappy weather-there’s really no motivation to stay here. I’ll be here in MI until my son graduates from high school, 2009.

My daughter is leaving me on January 20th. smh, I believe it but I don’t. She’s going to find a better life in Cali with my sister, Dee…2000 miles away.

Ok, Bria-get…it…to…gether…breathe! I’m trying to do this brave thing…but my baby eldest child is leaving me! I love that kid with every fiber of my being, and I’m so proud, AWFULLY proud of that girl young lady! I pray that everything she wishes, prays and hopes for is in Cali. I just want her to be happy, productive and CHRISTIAN still!

I know God has her. I have no doubt-God has her in the palm of his hand…sigh. Life.

We’re never satisfied. I couldn’t wait until she grew up, now that she’s an adult I wish she was a kid again her all the happiness in the world!

People. Pray for me.

Oh yeah…HAPPY NEW YEAR’S EVE *sniff, sniff*