You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2008.
My Black man
Being honest with others is not a problem for me. However, being honest with myself is. Since I’ve been single far longer than I care to meditate on, it has given me cause to reflect, visualize, change and grow. Maybe it’s because in less than 3 months I’ll be entering a new decade — my fourth decade, to be exact. But I can’t help but think about my Black man, the Black man that I can’t wait to appreciate!That’s right: I said it. I can’t wait to appreciate my Black man. I’ve listened to Mary J. Blige’s song “Feel Like A Woman” and cosign the lyrics, “I’m tired of being independent; I want to start depending on you.” If that makes me look soft, like a sucker, if it means I have to take down, so be it.
I want my Black man to know that I appreciate the labor he does in the world outside in order to strengthen the foundation of our world on the inside (of our home). I want him to know my eyes are for him only, as is my sashay, my smile, the scent upon my neck that causes him to transcend time.
My Black man, all that I am is for you. I’m not your enemy, but your ally. I want to love you, hold you, and console you, especially when carrying the burdens of a Black man is so heavy that your shoulder, neck and back ache. Let me work the kinks out of your life, or better yet, let me stand back, praise you, and edify you as you work them out.
Did I tell you that you are my hero? Lois may have her Clark Kent, and Jaime may have Steve Austin. But no superhero can compare to Bria’s Black man who is able to tell a mountain to be removed, has faith the size of a mustard seed, believes for the impossible, and knows whatever weapon is formed against him will not prosper. My Black man, without question I will follow you to the ends of the earth.
Thank you for living for me. So many people have been misguided by the cliché “I’ll die for you,” but will you really? It’s harder to live for me, seeing past my faults, mistakes, and flaws. Apologizing when it was I who erred. I agree, what good is it to die for me when we promised to spend an eternity together?
My Black man, I am here as your lover, your friend, confidante, compadre, shadow, helpmeet, critic, tie straightener, crumbs remover, hair analyst, spell checker, sounding board, temple massager, your ottoman — whatever you need me to be, so I shall be to you. I appreciate you not for anything other than who you are.
The questions raised are: Are you ready for me? Can you handle unconditional love, laughter, joy, hand-holding, butterfly kisses, a word in kind, passionate loving, heated words, spirited debates, stick-in-stay, til-death-do-us-part, lifetime partners, undying loyalty, zaniness, walks in the rain, unity, exchanging looks and not saying a word. Can you handle success?
No, no, shhhhh, don’t speak just yet. Take some time before giving your answer. Search the depths of your soul, become naked in your very own eyes, and let Truth have her way.
Forever, I am available to you. I honor you. I revere you. I appreciate you.
But most of all, my Black man, I love you.
Bria
I’d be telling a lie if I said as a Christian, I’ve done everything, most some things, correctly.
I haven’t. And I admit it. But even still, I’m wondering why is it that it seems (to me) that God has overlooked me in the “Companion Department?” Shoot I know of people who have been married once, twice, thrice times-and I’m thinking “I can’t even get a male pulse to come my way” and these people have the opposite sex falling all over them! What gives?
I’m trying to hold on and not blame God. I know, in the blink of an eye, he could send my husband-to-be on his merry way to me…but He hasn’t. And if He isn’t…I wish He’d just tell me, so I wouldn’t be expectant of him.
Are you there God? It’s Me Bria.
I hate meeting guys and wondering if ‘he’s the one.’ It ALWAYS ends up being no. Being “love elusive” tends to cause one to question themselves, others and God. I don’t want to complain, I’m grateful for what God has done, and seriously-I don’t ask God for much.
Where is my relationship, where is my husband?
Are you There God? It’s me Bria…
I just want to know if you hear me, you’re working on it, situation’s resolved-something.
I can’t stand this part of me. The part that wants to be in a relationship-but feeling powerless over making it come to fruition.
Father, talk to me. It’s me…Bria.
A piece of my heart is in Cali…
Last night, 01.19.08, I watched a piece of my heart board a plane to California.
My daughter Nesa, 19.5 yrs old, felt impeded living in Mi, and as a show of support I offered to help remedy that.
In venting to my lil sis-who comments on here as ” Yo’ Sista” (she’s so original, lol)-she offered to help my baby, by offering her home to her.
It was sooo unexpected I broke down in tears. (yes, I did)
In what had to be the quickest passage of time, 30 days came and went, and it was time to drive my baby to the airport.
She chose the right day-so far it was the coldest day of 2008. A bitter, wintry cold that meant uncertain death for some unfortunate souls.
My daughter is the spitting image of me.
Her face is her father’s, but my daughter is a WWC (Women With Curves) member-like mommy, but not only that:
she loves hard
she’s loyal
loves to laugh
is staunch in her opinions
stands by her convictions
a procrastinator 
is smart
blunt
will apologize if she’s offended
fights for the underdog
believes it takes a village to raise a child
doesn’t like change, but will change eventually
needs to know (by verbal and physical actions) that she’s loved
needs encouragement and guidance
and is crazy in love with Christ.
(fuzzy pic, but look how much taller my daughter is!!)
Our relationship is a testimony to Christ.
Our relationship was extremely tumultuous during her teenage years (14-17).
She blamed me for her life, and her father’s lack of participation in her life.
She strongly disliked me and vice versa.
She’s lived between my home and her paternal aunt.
We survived.
Things changed on her graduation day from high school.
She thanked me for raising her, and for my not allowing her to be a wildchild on the street.
I’ve since had to step back and watch her evolve into the woman that God not mom, has called her to be.
(Nesa w/ Mama Ivent-mama took Nesa’s leaving worse than I did!)
Lil’ Mama,
I know you’ll read this-
(since you’ve already checked in YBR! Thanks 4 leaving mom a comment!)
I want you to know as I’ve said a million times, I AM SO PROUD OF U!
Do NOT let people’s negative actions, words or deeds-clip your wings!
Nesa, you are an Eagle.
Remember just as the Eagle has these characteristics, so do you:
- Vision: Continue to see into your future. Remain focused, and continue to write the vision down and make it plain so God can manifest it. Think BIG if you want BIG RESULTS!!
- Eagles NEVER eat dead meat: Go where the action is. You’re the hunter-don’t let someone do the work and you get the leftovers. Go after what it is you want!
- Looks for and flies into storms: Don’t let this scare you! Eagles use the storm to lift him to these great heights. You, Nesa will use storms (challenges) to make you a better person. How will you know your resilience-if you’re not bent and bounced around by life, sometimes?? Accept the storms (challenges) you can’t stop them from happening. You’ll grow to learn this: storms are tools used to develop you.
- *Remember: life at times is like driving on a sheet of ice on MI streets. You can’t keep your car from sliding, but you can keep it from getting worse. Do you remember how? Stay calm, take your foot off the brake, and turn the steering wheel in the same direction as the skid (storm), not the opposite. In other words, work with the storm, skid, challenge-don’t fight it. You’ll only prolong the skid, and it can end disastrously.*
- Very Gentle & Attentive To (Their) Young: Nesa, God has imparted into you a great love for young people. You know what they need, when they need it. Continue to love, hug, kiss, and encourage young people. Especially those whose only point of contact may be you. I refer to you as the Pied Piper of Children. Your loyalty knows no bounds and thank you for getting little kids ready for school when their mamas’ wouldn’t. Combing hair, getting them dressed etc. You may have grown weary, but you never fainted, and God will reward your faithfulness and diligence. Eagle Characteristics
***
As I’ve said to you and your brother, “I didn’t raise y’all, y’all raised me!” lol
I thank God for my two motivators and I can’t wait to see you in Cali.
Thank you China doll for allowing me the privilege of being your mother.
You’ll always inspire me to be and do better.
Love you Shmeeny,
Mommy
Ok. It is NOW the 10th, 11th day of January, and I haven’t assume the undertaking of my commitments for the year.
What in the world, am I waiting on? The least I could do is list my debts, and come up with a budget to keep my spending at bay, or look at the videos that I was supposed to take back to Hollywood Video. I gotta get my butt in gear! One thing I know that I have to do is Sat @ 5am get my butt up (I’m gotta do it) and start writing again. My novel has laid dormant for the better part of a year-and it’s time I get back in the proverbial saddle again.
There’s nothing holding me back-but there’s SOMEONE holding me back…ME.
I’m making a commitment to watch those movies as soon as I get home tomorrow, and turn them in tomorrow as well.
We’ll see what happens.
bria
Recent Comments