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My Black man
Being honest with others is not a problem for me. However, being honest with myself is. Since I’ve been single far longer than I care to meditate on, it has given me cause to reflect, visualize, change and grow. Maybe it’s because in less than 3 months I’ll be entering a new decade — my fourth decade, to be exact. But I can’t help but think about my Black man, the Black man that I can’t wait to appreciate!That’s right: I said it. I can’t wait to appreciate my Black man. I’ve listened to Mary J. Blige’s song “Feel Like A Woman” and cosign the lyrics, “I’m tired of being independent; I want to start depending on you.” If that makes me look soft, like a sucker, if it means I have to take down, so be it.
I want my Black man to know that I appreciate the labor he does in the world outside in order to strengthen the foundation of our world on the inside (of our home). I want him to know my eyes are for him only, as is my sashay, my smile, the scent upon my neck that causes him to transcend time.
My Black man, all that I am is for you. I’m not your enemy, but your ally. I want to love you, hold you, and console you, especially when carrying the burdens of a Black man is so heavy that your shoulder, neck and back ache. Let me work the kinks out of your life, or better yet, let me stand back, praise you, and edify you as you work them out.
Did I tell you that you are my hero? Lois may have her Clark Kent, and Jaime may have Steve Austin. But no superhero can compare to Bria’s Black man who is able to tell a mountain to be removed, has faith the size of a mustard seed, believes for the impossible, and knows whatever weapon is formed against him will not prosper. My Black man, without question I will follow you to the ends of the earth.
Thank you for living for me. So many people have been misguided by the cliché “I’ll die for you,” but will you really? It’s harder to live for me, seeing past my faults, mistakes, and flaws. Apologizing when it was I who erred. I agree, what good is it to die for me when we promised to spend an eternity together?
My Black man, I am here as your lover, your friend, confidante, compadre, shadow, helpmeet, critic, tie straightener, crumbs remover, hair analyst, spell checker, sounding board, temple massager, your ottoman — whatever you need me to be, so I shall be to you. I appreciate you not for anything other than who you are.
The questions raised are: Are you ready for me? Can you handle unconditional love, laughter, joy, hand-holding, butterfly kisses, a word in kind, passionate loving, heated words, spirited debates, stick-in-stay, til-death-do-us-part, lifetime partners, undying loyalty, zaniness, walks in the rain, unity, exchanging looks and not saying a word. Can you handle success?
No, no, shhhhh, don’t speak just yet. Take some time before giving your answer. Search the depths of your soul, become naked in your very own eyes, and let Truth have her way.
Forever, I am available to you. I honor you. I revere you. I appreciate you.
But most of all, my Black man, I love you.
Bria
Today is a good great day! By the grace of God, I am here living out another day. This past week was har difficult, but I’ve made it! I received a text from my blog-bro Ray, who was over in the UK for a little while and now he’s back home. I thought he had put me down, but he lied assured me that he hadn’t. 
He then extended an invite to Hotlanta at my earliest convenience, and I’m seriously considering taking him up on the offer, as it’s been approx 6 years since I’ve been to the ATL-hopefully this time, I won’t see n*gg*s walking around with a fresh marijuana necklaces on. You’re not in Hawaii, and that is not a lei! Whatev!
Keep in mind…i said he’s my bro. While I’m mindful of that fact, that doesn’t mean he will be. Before I officially say yeah, I need to make sure he understands what AIN’T going down. A sista will be staying at her own place in ATL-nice having connections. If you don’t specify in advance–it makes for an awkward situation. THAT won’t be happening here.
I’m like Ciara-my goodies stay in the jar!
That was cute in my 20’s, now I’ll cut you
I need to get away.
Speaking of which, Wednesday the 5th, I’ll be “going-going-back-back-to-Cali-Cali!” I’ll be leaving out after work…so I can see my dad, sis, cuz/sis, nephews etc etc! I can’t WAIT. It’s sooooo cold here in MI, even the thought of being able to soak up a piece of sun is worth its salt.
Last week was a week of potential, that potentially went nowhere!
Towards the end of the week, I was slightly confused by the actions of a brother, but you know what? Friday looked up.
Today, I’m communicating with a brother who seems to have his stuff together, and knows what he wants. We as women must tighten the reins on our emotions, because when you give your all early…you become vulnerable and therein lies the chance of getting hurt.
Instead of second guessing myself, and plucking at the fiber of my being as one would do with a stray piece of yarn until there’s nothing left but a tangled heap of nothing. I tapped into the strength that God had imparted in me. This unexplainable strength compels me to go on, when I don’t want to. This strength allows me to persevere, when I want to pack my bags up and go home. This strength forces me to look in the mirror and say, “Bria–THIS TOO SHALL PASS!” And know it will.
Most times God’s plans and our plans don’t coincide. Whatever develops from this new communication, I pray that it serves a purpose.
Life used to be so easy…or at least it seemed that way.
The man that I “hoped” was he, is not.
I very much believe in woman’s intuition, so much so that I can’t ignore this nagging feeling that “something’s quite not right.”
He hasn’t disrespected me.
He’s been a gentleman to me, but yet…”something’s not right.”
Twice as our phone conversations abruptly ended, the feeling that “something’s just not right” quickly attached itself to me out of nowhere, like stray hair, and loose string to a velcro panel.
I don’t know what happened. I don’t know when it transpired, all I know is that it did.
Recently, as the days became the next, I’ve ruminated (that’s right…I ruminate!)…I’ve wandered why is it, that I come oh so close to entering a potential relationship, only to watch (to my chagrin) that very potential leave my life as quietly and unobtrusively as a butterfly, off to unknown parts?
I’ve classified myself as “Love Elusive.”
I believe (and I’m a realist) that I’ll always be two steps behind love. Maybe I’m like Apostle Paul…I’ll be single.
Don’t get me wrong, being single does has its advantages:
No compromising
Come and go as I please.
I can look at handsome men
I don’t have to cook, lol
No abuse-homicide concerns from partner
But yet, I still desire to be a part of a relationship.
I’m not sure what God’s will for my life is in that area. But I do know that He knows what’s best for me. I do know that I will never have to settle, again. And it’s ok. I may be “Love Elusive” or maybe I’ve eluded the love that was wrong for me.
Only time will tell.
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